I just came within an inch of slicing myself to pieces. Walking across my living room clutching a glass dildo, I slipped on a cat toy. As I stumbled, the dildo flew out of my hand.

I sprung forward with all my might and, unbelievably, made a last-minute save, a hair before the instrument hit the ground and exploded. This, I feel, sums up people's hesitancy to embrace glass dildos: They don't bounce; they shatter into thousands of lethal bits.

This glass dildo is new. In fact, I spent all day trying to track one down after I heard about Operation Pipe Dreams. The Feds, it seems, are out to bust every bong-making, pipe-crafting glassblower in the nation-presumably because of the very real threat they pose to national security.

Since the crackdown, glassblowers have propped up their flagging businesses by blowing dildos-a shift in focus from one thing the Christian Right hates (drugs), to another (sex). The irony makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, so I decided to go out and buy a glass dildo to support the cause.

This turned out to be harder than I thought it would be. I tried to get one at Hubba Hubba, a fantastic fetish shop in Central Square, but the chick running the counter said that she'd just sent back all but one of their stock, as glass dildos “are really expensive and don't sell very well.”

I wanted some variety, so I packed up and moved on to Grand Opening!, the Coolidge Corner mother-ship of Boston sex stores. I found Amy, salesperson extraordinaire, deep in the forest of latex cocks and pussies, and she hooked me up with a gorgeous, white-swirled glass dido.

If you haven't seen a glass dildo, they're generally color-swirled and elegantly twisted; they look like the artistically inclined bastard child of a penis and a bubbler, and will run you around $80 a pop.

That's actually a really good buy because not only are they pretty enough to pass as modern coffee-table art without a second glance, they're nonporous, so, unlike a rubber toy (which, being porous, you can't use with multiple partners), you can safely wash 'em off and use 'em on the next person.

Amy explained to me that rubber dildos contain the “unknown ingredient” rubber jelly, which is a totally mysterious substance that proves really hard to disinfect completely.

While there are other nonporous probes to be found-Pyrex, steel and silicone toys are also available-which might be more durable, the glass one has stolen my heart, sexually, aesthetically and politically. According to Amy, they're “great for g-spot stimulation,” and who doesn't like g-spot stimulation?

But for all that, the fear of breakage persists. Every female friend I talked to expressed fear and occasionally disgust at the mention of fucking a large lump of glass, even after I assured them it was not hollow and really, really durable (conversely, gay boys I talked to were totally down with the idea). Even Amy said that “you'd have to have some kind of Wonder Woman PC muscles to break it.”

But still, the fear remains - Grand Opening! doesn't sell more than seven to ten of these babies a month, partially because they're pricey and don't vibrate, but also because they might be a little scary.

Well, ladies, don't be scared. This thing is wonderful. It warms up to body temperature quickly and holds heat; it's easy as hell to clean; and the smooth texture makes it much more comfortable than a rubber one.

True, it doesn't vibrate, but I feel that its simplicity makes it somehow more elegant-this is one sex toy I'm not embarrassed to leave lying around the house.

tags: sex  toys  dildo  glass dildo  orgasm  g spot  

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