Bush Receives Electroshock & Anti-Psychotic Drug

for His Condition [Original]

George Bush has received an extensive series of electroshock treatments combined with anti-psychotic medication after his insane comments about starting World War III over Iran.

The treatments were commissioned by a concerned Republican Party and were administered by renowned psychiatrist Dr. Felix Fassbinder of the Mayo Clinic and the FDA.

"I had to zap the poor bastard many times and inject him with anti-psycho crap until he became coherent," said Dr. Fassbinder. "Cheney required even more of the stuff."

"We have also turned the White House into a large padded cell, to prevent them from harming themselves when they swing from the chandeliers and bounce around on their pogo sticks," the doctor added.

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich had questioned President Bush's mental health in light of comments he made about starting World War III over Iran, sparking the Republicans to do something about their deranged president.

"I seriously believe we have to start asking questions about his mental health," said Kucinich, an Ohio Congressman. "There's something wrong with that lunatic."

The Republican Party have also arranged for Dick Cheney to receive the treatment, and there are hopes that both chief executives will eventually be fully cured of their psychoses.

The black suitcase nuclear arming device was removed from the White House when Bush and Cheney were seen playing with it by randomly poking the keyboard while gibbering and frothing at their mouths.

Bush had said to shocked reporters, "I've told people that if you're interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing Iran from having nuclear atoms and rayguns and light sabers like we have."

"You cannot be a president of the United States who's wanton in his expression of violence," Kucinich observed.

"There's a lot of people who need care. He might be one of them. This, to me, is a very serious question."

"But the leader of Iran never said he wanted to destroy Israel," Bush later said in a rational moment.

"The lunatic Zionists like Lieberman and those crazy perverts at AIPAC are lying through their teeth about Iran. It has no desire for nuclear weapons, unlike the US and Israel which have them in abundance."

Kucinich said that Bush and his loony Zionist backers should not be trying "to deceive Americans into yet another war to grab oil-this time with Iran."

"After the lies and deception used to lead us to war in Iraq, the belligerent Bush Administration cannot be given leeway with statements that suggest a preemptive attack on Iran is necessary," Kucinich stated.

"They are systematically destroying every available route to restoring peace and security in the Middle East. Congress must take back its exclusive authority to declare war from the Bush Administration."

Kucinich also thinks like most Americans and the rest of the world that Bush and Vice President Cheney should be impeached and charged with war crimes.

After the treatment by Dr. Fassbinder, Bush and Cheney were seen running around the White House in the nude having painted themselves blue demanding that their pogo sticks and nuclear arming device be returned.

The Mad Man Running the American Asylum[Original]

It’s official: Bush Derangement Syndrome is now a full-blown epidemic. George W. Bush apparently has reduced more of his fellow citizens to frustrated, sputtering rage than any other president since opinion polling began, with the possible exception of Richard Nixon.

That should be a pretty good indicator of where Bush will rank when historians get their hands on his shameful record—in the cellar, alongside the only president who ever had to resign in disgrace.

A new Gallup Poll released this week showed that 64 percent of Americans disapprove of how the Decider is doing his job.

That sounds bad enough—nearly two-thirds of the country thinks its leader is incompetent. But when you look more closely at the numbers, you see that Bush’s abysmal report card—only 31 percent of respondents approve of the job he’s doing—actually overstates our regard for his performance.

According to Gallup, if you lump together the Americans who “strongly” approve of Bush as president with those who only “moderately” feel one way or the other about him, you end up with about half the population.

That leaves a full 50 percent who “strongly disapprove” of Bush—as high a level of intense repudiation as Gallup has ever seen in its decades of polling.

Gallup has been asking the “strongly disapprove” question since the Lyndon Johnson administration.

The only time the polling firm has measured such strong give-this-guy-the-hook sentiment was in February 1974, at the height of the Watergate scandal, when Nixon’s “strongly disapprove” number was measured at 48 percent.

Bush beats him by a nose, but the margin of error makes the contest for “Most Reviled President, Modern Era” a statistical tie.

The Gallup Poll found that among Bush’s shrinking Republican base, he has unusually strong support. Independents, though, have joined Democrats in the Bush Derangement Syndrome clinic: They, too, “strongly disapprove” of the job the president is doing.

Bush didn’t come by this distinction with help from family connections or the Supreme Court. No, he earned it.

Look at the situation Bush’s successor will inherit. Throughout much of the world, the United States is seen as an arrogant bully whose rhetoric about freedom and the rule of law is disgracefully empty.

The lawyers and students who are being tear-gassed in the streets of Pakistan’s cities will long remember that when push came to shove, Bush chose to stick with a cooperative dictator, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, rather than live up to his words about the universal value of democracy.

The next president will be left with more than 100,000 U.S. troops still bogged down in Iraq, with an unfinished war in Afghanistan—and, between those two crises, a strengthened and emboldened Iran that hopes to dominate the world’s most dangerous region. Nice work.

Bush’s successor will, incredibly, assume control of a United States government that interrogates terrorist suspects with “enhanced” techniques known throughout the world by a much simpler term: torture.

The new commander in chief will almost surely take custody of hundreds of people detained without formal charges, on questionable evidence, and held for years in secret CIA prisons or at Guantanamo.

The next president will take over a government that claims the right to eavesdrop on U.S. citizens without meaningful judicial oversight.

Whoever takes office in January 2009 will be left with a more polarized economy - an America where the rich have been made richer during the last six years with generous tax cuts, while 40 million people struggle without health insurance.

The new president will be left with a government that not only failed miserably in its response to the most extensive natural disaster the nation has ever faced, but also reneged on Bush’s pledge to build a better New Orleans—and make it possible for all those who lived in the city to return.

The next occupant of the White House will find the nation’s coffers depleted by Bush’s wars—the price tag doubtless will have reached $1 trillion by Inauguration Day—and by whatever it eventually costs to keep the housing market afloat.

He or she will inherit, in short, a dismal mess. It will take most of the new president’s first term to begin to set things right.

It’s easy to understand why Americans have come to think of George W. Bush as the worst president in memory, perhaps one of the worst ever. What’s hard to fathom is how we’ll make it through the next 14½ months. But who’s counting.

tags: bush  mad  psychotic  deranged  satire  

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