Jenna Bush Wedding Photos: "The Greatest Kitsch" [Our Satire]
Really, it's just as awful as every
other set of wedding photos you've ever seen
We get the proud papa beaming
and posing with his little girl,
the photo of both families together
with the bride and groom,
a solo shot of the bride and her bouquet...
Scroll down for more [if you can handle it]
"Let Them Eat Cake"
The wedding of First Daughter Jenna Bush is legitimately big news, but it produces a bit of a conundrum in how the event is covered.
No press were allowed at the event, which—as you probably already know—took place Saturday at President Bush's Crawford, Texas ranch.
Because of the media embargo, the papers have to rely on the photos and information released by the White House to write about the big day.
What this means is that the Post and the Daily News are running the same pictures and using the same quotes from the president about how "spectacular" the day was.
The similar layouts are "photo album" style. The News puts its coverage on pages 2 and 3, while the Post places "Jenna's Wedding Album" (complete with ridiculous script font) on page 23.
We learn that the First Daughter was decked out in Oscar de la Renta and that a giant cross was erected in the yard for the occasion.
Really, it's just like just about every other set of wedding photos you've ever seen: we get the proud papa beaming and posing with his little girl.
The photo of both families together with the bride and groom, a solo shot of the bride and her bouquet, the exchange of vows, and the cake cutting.
(Am I the only one who thinks that the cake looks like it's going to topple over? It's the awkward angle of the photo, but I think it's also because I've seen too many episodes of Ace of Cakes on the Food Network.)
Of course, the main difference is that both of these families (Jenna's husband, Henry Hager, is the son of an influential GOP family) could probably buy and sell the majority of tabloid readers a thousand times over.
Still, we like to look at these photos because for one brief moment, it seems that the leader of the free world is "just like us."
Our Satire
Here comes the First Bride — all dressed in white Oscar de la Renta.
Jenna Bush looked radiant as the late-day sun danced on her beaded organza designer gown on the green Texas prairie grass.
President Bush and the First Lady watched with joy as Jenna and her groom, Henry Hager, a former aide to Karl Rove, said their I do's in front of a giant cross made of beige Texas limestone.
Photos released by the White House show Jenna and her man clasping hands and looking lovingly into each other's eyes during Saturday's lakeside nuptials at the President's ranch.
"Just as the vows were exchanged, the sun set over our lake, and it was just a special day and a wonderful day and we're mighty blessed," the commander in chief gushed Sunday just like any proud papa.
"Our little girl, Jenna, married a really good guy," he said, standing next to the First Lady at an airport in Waco, Tex., where he boarded Air Force One for his flight back to Washington.
"The wedding was spectacular," he said. "It's just — it's all we could have hoped for."
After the ceremony, the newly married couple — she's 26, he's 30 — posed for photographs with the President and First Lady and Hager's mom and dad, who uses a wheelchair.
And then it was time to party.
Under a white tent, the newlyweds danced to "Lovin' in My Baby's Eyes" by Taj Mahal.
