Polyamory, BDSM, Fetishism - Just Different Sexual Lifestyles
Sexual Lifestyles Like Polyamory Should Be Respected As Much As Homosexuality
Sunday was national Coming Out Day. Similar to the Day of Silence and Gay Pride Week, most of the attention centers on lesbians, bisexuals, gays and transsexuals.But there are more sexual orientations and sexual lifestyles than those, and each one is difficult to reveal in American society.
With the Mormon compound scandals, involving religion-based, underage poly-marriages, and shows such as “Big Love,” polyamory’s prominence in the media is increasing.
Even so, it’s still in its baby stages compared to other sexual rights movements. People may still assume that polyamory automatically includes Mormonism and non-consensual, underage marriages. The truth is, polyamory is just another sexual lifestyle.
Poly families consist of three or more people in a committed relationship — sometimes they all date each other, sometimes someone’s girlfriend has her own girlfriend and so on.
Despite the argument about where polyamory fits in with swinging (partner-swapping) and open relationships (a relationship in which lovers can form outside romances), polyamory is a valid form of love, as are the other two.
BDSM is a compound acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), sadism and masochism (S&M).
Then there is fetishism. Fetishism is much more in the public eye than polyamory — “bondage” is constantly used in crime dramas — but by no means more accepted.
Many people view fetishism as a product of mental illness. But in 1994, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV changed its criteria so that consensual sadomasochism — a mixing of pain and pleasure — on its own is not considered an illness.
In order to qualify as an illness, the manual said, “the fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors (must) cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”
Sadomasochism is not uncommon, either. The 1990 “Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex” found that “five to ten percent of the U.S. population engages in sadomasochism for sexual pleasure on at least an occasional basis.”
That’s not to say that all fetishists are sadomasochists — more variations of fetishism exist than is possible to list here. However, the report does show that clinical professionals are starting to view sexual “deviants” as not so deviant after all.
Inevitably, questions of morality come up whenever discussing non-mainstream sexuality.
In my interactions with members of the poly communities, I’ve definitely run into unpleasant people, but no more than I have when hanging around mainstream society.
Fetishists live by a strict motto: “Safe, sane and consensual.” I haven’t met a group of people more concerned with the mental and physical health of their partners than fetishists.
As for polyamory, practitioners must refrain from triteness and jealousy for their relationships to work. The poly families I’ve known have been great communicators. Their children also benefit from constant adult supervision, akin to the support a traditional extended family could provide.
“If a child is raised in a home where the adults are honest, open, loving and consistently present, physically and emotionally, it’s not going to matter whether those adults are monogamous or polyamorous,” Sid Mansfield, a child and family therapist, said in an article in the Tucson Weekly.
There’s nothing inherently wrong about either of these lifestyles, and yet people who follow them are still unable to come out for fear of professional and child-care related repercussions.
They deserve just as much recognition in their struggles on Coming Out Day, and they deserve just as much respect as the rest of us.
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