Sex Files: Women Aren't 'Naturally' Monogamous
After two bottles of wine we slipped back to his flat
for a fuck. With no time to shower, I emerged,
legs still shaking, en route to my next meeting
- with my TV producer friend for coffee. He was very
flirtatious, and asked if I'd changed perfumes
In our post-“Sex and the City” culture, women are assumed to be knowledgeable and confident about their sexualities and bodies. Women today are equal to men. We seek sex. We know what we want!But have we really achieved such equality? Although movies, porn, music, fashion, and glossy magazines fixate on the sexualized woman, giving advice on how to be more attractive, how to give great blow jobs, and how to be good in bed, sexuality and sexual pleasure are still defined on male terms: Sex is over when the man ejaculates.
Blow jobs are less gross than “carpet munching;” and sexually experienced men are virile, whereas experienced women are sluts.
Under such slanted expectations and double standards, women are seen not as autonomous sexual actors but as passive sexual objects.
When a woman can say “I want to have sex” not because her partner wants it but because she does, she is no longer a sexual object.
Women Are Just As Promiscuous As Men [Source]
Charles and I were at a party recently when an acquaintance of his, Steve, started talking about a woman he'd slept with on a first date and described her as "a bit of a slut".
I went nuclear. While I don't agree with calling anyone names, by his own logic he'd been a "slut" as well.
"Men are programmed to spread their seed," he said, "but women should be monogamous because they can only produce one egg at a time."
He mentioned a study that apparently revealed "evolution has not adapted women to having casual sex" because some women reported feeling "used" afterwards.
I think women would feel less remorse if there were fewer idiots like Steve out there. Even Darwin knew females weren't monogamous.
Professor Tim Birkhead wrote in his book Promiscuity: An Evolutionary History of Sperm Competition and Sexual Conflict that Darwin was aware of instances in which females received sperm from more than one male.
But Darwin, being a Victorian, preferred writing about promiscuity among plants than human females. Sleeping around may benefit women because of sperm competition – even if that involves sex with several different men in quick succession.
Men do flirt with me more when I'm in a new relationship. I thought that was a reaction to my exuding confidence and happiness. But maybe there's something more primal going on.
Biologist Olivia Judson writes that men shown explicit pictures of a woman with two men (potential rivals) produce a higher proportion of swimming sperm than men shown explicit pictures of three women.
I unintentionally had a chance to test the love-rival theory when I met Charles in town for a late lunch, which ended with us polishing off two bottles of wine and slipping back to his flat to eat dessert off each other.
With no time to shower, I emerged, legs still shaking, en route to my next meeting. I met my TV producer friend for coffee, and he was very flirtatious, and asked if I'd changed perfumes.
That afternoon, five men gave me their phone numbers. I binned them. I'm choosing to be in a committed relationship. Love is more than an evolutionary arms race.
But being monogamous is a choice for both sexes, because at the end of the day we all have animal instincts.
Maybe fear of being judged is also part of evolution. I read recently researchers found that female chimps wanted sex with as many males as possible without other females finding out. Hmm.
The row with Steve hotted up when he used the word "whore". I "accidentally" dumped a glass of red wine all over the crotch of his very expensive suit. I felt horrible afterwards. The bottle cost £23.